shag haircuts

shag haircuts

How to Impress a Woman

how to impress a woman.

 

1.  Buy her flowers.  yes, it sounds kinda dumb doesn’t it.  But it works.  It doesn’t have to be for any reason – in fact for no reason at all is the best reason of all.  But some hints:  Red roses scream I LOVE YOU!!!  Gerberas are a dodgy friend flower.  White roses are a death flower but also very distuinguished so your call.  I reckon native flowers are always a good bet. 

You don’t have to do a card or have them delivered – that’s a bit teenager, nor do you need to get an entire floral arrangement done, just some colourful blooms wrapped in a bit of paper is perfect.  After all, it really is the thought that counts.

Okay, now that ones out of the way, we can focus on some rules that are less distinct.

First rule.  Grooming and personal maintenance.  Okay, now I happen to think that every younger male’s secret weapon is to have a bit of unshaven going on.  If this suits you, I encourage a bit of rough and ready.  However this same level of carefree does not extend to not brushing your teeth, not bathing, and not washing your hair and clipping your nails.  Okay, now you might think that having a strong whiff of your body odour will send her wild, but it won’t.  And nor will the reverse, a huge whiff of aftershave or the over-application of deodorant.  Just take care of yourself without over doing it, this will indicate to her that if you take care of yourself, it’s likely you’ll take care of her.

Note:  The unshaven rule applies for men under the age of forty only.  Over age forty, you’re simply lazy. Unless you have a full beard or are growing one.  Oh, and for the older guy, ponytail = bad look.  The rule about unshaven also doesn’t apply when meeting her parents for the first time/wedding/funeral.

Extra note about grooming:  If you are facing balding and/or greying hair the rules of absolutely DO NOT DO are:  combing over.  If you’re currently combing over, stop it.  If you are dying your hair because you’re greying, stop it.  Seriously, it is a stupid look and we can all pick it, expecially the females amongst us.  Okay, your hairdresser might have said it’s a good idea, yeah, cos you’re paying them!  Age gracefully, because if you don’t, she won’t be there with you.

Second rule.  Be yourself and be honest.  Okay, now we all know that one about not talking about your ex right?  Yeah, well if she asks, if it comes up, you need to face this one.  Now the thing that will impress her pants off is if you can bring yourself to speak in a complimentary way about your ex.  Okay, now you don’t need to go too far, just enough to indicate that you respect her and you tried but it didn’t work and you maintain a distant but friendly relationship, that you have both moved on and you learnt a lot from it, and you are really glad you spent that time together but it is preferable that it has ended with you both much better people for it…phew!  Then quick, reign it in and move on. 

If you can be decent about your ex, this will illustrate how much of a gentleman you are.  She will think that if you and her don’t work out, at least you won’t be out there bagging her to the world.  You are a decent guy! 

Third rule, the big one.  Make her laugh.  Yep, easier said than done yes?  Well it is a fact that women are much more likely to fall for a guy who makes them laugh.  I don’t know if you are a funny person at heart, but try at least to make light of a situation.  Seriously, if you can make her laugh, you are actually giving her the same/similar chemical reaction as an orgasm.  Okay, so where you going to take her on a first date?  Yep, a funny movie or a stand up comedy club.  Making her laugh is like making her cum.  Fact.

Chocolate also has this effect.  Yum.

Fourth rule.  Be a man.  Okay, now the last few generations of women have been striving for equality.  But this doesn’t mean that thousands and thousands of years of human civilisation have come down to you being a lesser beast.  Nor does it mean that all that history allows you to be a pig.  However, as it was then, it is now and the same biology applies.  Which means that inherently masculine traits will appeal to her inate feminity. 

This means things like protecting her, honouring her, providing for her.  Be strong, be brave, and go fight the lions.  This means that if you can hold down a job and put food on the table, very good.  It means that if there are things that take hard work to do, or muscles, do them.  You’re suited to the job, she isn’t.

Oh, it also means chivalry and manners.  This includes things like offering her the best seat, choosing the wine, holding the door for her, helping her into her coat…really, you don’t have to be a wanker, but you can be a gentleman.  She will love you for it, and her mum will too!

Fifth rule.  Stop talking about yourself and ask her about herself.  Okay, now you could go on about that new project at work, or that model sailing ship you’re making – and she might be really interested.  But even better if you ask her about what she is interested in.  Listen to her, listen hard, and you will be in.  Try not to be judgemental. 

Okay, another angle to this.  Is there something you are confused about?  Need advice about?  Bring her into the circle and ask for her advice.  She will love that you are confiding in her.

Sixth rule.  Compliment her.  Now this might seem easy enough, but it also means taking notice. Okay now a simple one, compliment her on her outfit.  Oh, and notice if she has had a haircut.  If you notice, boy oh boy will you be in the good books! 

This means though staying eternally vigilant for any changes in her.  Now a very advisable thing to do is to set your default position to complimentary.  You know that one where she asks you if she looks fat in this?  Yeah, well you don’t um and ahh do you, you burst right back at her ‘NO Baby, you look amazing’ – while secretly thinking “geez, maybe she has put on weight???” 

Now this is correct.  To disguise your inner feelings and thoughts, and focus instead on the positives.  Look at those eyes, they are beautiful.  Look at her hands and her feet and her knees and if you need help telling her something is nice about her, just imagine those body parts all over you later when she pays you back in spades because SHE FEELS GOOD WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU MAKE HER FEEL GOOD!!!  Simple really.  Scratch her back, and she’ll ahem, scratch yours.

Seventh rule. The adult rule for adults.  Now this one might seem strange, and a bit funny on this list, but it is to eat her. Yes, whatever you want to call it.  Growl her out, go down on her, lick her, lap at her, erform cunniligus on her… Whatever you want to call it, performing oral sex on her will win her everytime.  This is simply in line with the ethos of focussing on her. 

Better yet, while you’re down there compliment her on her vagina, many of us, men and women feel insecure about our sexual organs.  We all worry it’s not big enough right?  Yeah well why not try telling her that her vagina is simply the best vagina you have ever seen/tasted.  She will be amazed that here is a man, so unlike all the others.  I mean lets face it, men all want the woman to go down on them right?  So what makes you think she doesn’t also want this?  Huh?

Go well my friends, best wishes, I send you out there with these simple rules you can choose to accept.  This message will self destruct in ten seconds.

www.secretpicnic.com.au

About the Author

Angus is a writer and performer based in Melbourne Australia. He is the founder of Secret Picnic – an online resource for romance services.

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